


Say Something

by MamaFrick (MissForeverRebel)



Series: Tales From the Backstreet [4]
Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissForeverRebel/pseuds/MamaFrick
Summary: Nick didn't understand what had caused Brian to turn so cold. He just wanted him to say something...
Relationships: Nick Carter/Brian Littrell
Series: Tales From the Backstreet [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1434853
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Say Something

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the photo below, written for the January Photo Challenge over at FanFiction Haven (https://www.facebook.com/groups/152792229643817) on Facebook. Not my typical genre. Enjoy, and as always, comments and kudos = LOVE. :)

Warm, salty, sea air. A comfortable breeze like a wind-kissed song brushing against his skin akin to a lover's tender caress.

Nick closed his eyes and tried to take it all in, but it did little to calm the turbulence that was destroying him from the inside out. It should have comforted him and brought that sense of peace his soul so desperately longed for, only it managed to taunt his deepest senses and stir the sorrow festering within the core of his very being.

Forty eight hours prior, Nick had found himself basking in the glow of the tropical sun. He had been happy. At least that was what he originally thought. It wasn't like Nick had reason to suspect otherwise. Yeah, the last minute trip had been a pleasant unexpected surprise, but Nick thrived on spontaneity. Always had. Hell, it was part of the reason why he had earned the nickname Kaos over the years.

Except, Nick hadn’t exactly been prepared for such a spontaneous tropical vacation to include two wives and three children, two of which were under the age of five, to accompany him on his travels. He expected even less to be met with three more wives and an added six children upon arrival. Perhaps it had been foolish of him to even think it would be just the two of them in the first place.

But still, Nick had held out hope despite having the distraction of everyone around them that they would be able to find a few moments to sneak off together at some point and enjoy each other’s company. In fact, the moment Nick had looked out the window of the plane as it flew over the section of crystal clear turquoise ocean not far from where they would be staying, he imagined the two of them standing together at the water’s edge in the light of the moon, hand in hand, sharing the occasional casual kiss before Nick knew one thing would lead to another.

It always did when they got together. They would start off slow by pretending to ignore the subtle desires that were igniting in both of them, then gradually they would move a little closer until one of them initiated the first casual kiss. It would continue like that until it became physically impossible for either of them to ignore the passion burning between them, that forbidden longing for each other that they both knew was wrong, but was a temptation they could never fight for long. It always left them breathless and satisfied in a way they knew they couldn’t achieve elsewhere.

Nick had spent the last half of the flight thinking about their next rendezvous, knowing he was in desperate need to feel the muscular silken skin beneath his fingertips that he had come to adore so much over the years. At one point, he had become so lost in his thoughts that he could practically smell the comforting scent of the familiar cologne that had a habit of invading his senses and driving him absolutely wild. It was intoxicating. But then Odin had hit him roughly with his fist to grab his attention and Nick found the impure thoughts to be fleeting, especially as Lauren silently begged him with her eyes to help her get their son to settle down for the remainder of the flight.

The plane couldn’t have landed soon enough and by the time Nick followed his wife and kids through the ramp into the terminal, he was more than ready to strip off his travel clothes and rest on the beach in a pair of board shorts with a subtle drink to calm his nerves. Brian, Leighanne, and Baylee were already waiting for them at their gate; their plane had arrived an hour earlier and they chose to wait for the Carters and travel onto their final destination together.

Nick had tried on more than one occasion to establish eye contact with Brian as their two families navigated through the terminal towards the baggage claim area, but not once did Brian reciprocate the acknowledgement. Brian kept close to Leighanne’s side, hand tightly clasped in hers with his eyes glued directly ahead of them. Nick didn’t get it. It had been some time since they had been in the same room together, and even longer since they had been able to share those tender moments of intimacy between them. He had expected Brian to be warm and welcoming, to give him a hug or a fucking high five or  **_something_ ** , but instead, Brian was nothing more than cold and distant. He didn’t say a word. Hell, Leighanne said more to Nick, which was saying something because it was no secret neither were held in high regard with each other.

Nick spent the whole drive to their private section of beach bungalows wondering what the Hell had crawled up Brian’s ass and died.

Of course, Nick didn’t have a chance to contemplate it further as soon as they pulled up because the remaining members of their party emerged from their own respected bungalows to welcome the two families. From there, it was one big happy reunion for everyone...but Nick. Each glance in Brian’s direction was left unmet and the few times Nick had been able to approach the older man alone to find out what the Hell was wrong, Brian either dodged him or someone interrupted them. While Brian appeared thankful for the interruptions, it left Nick in a foul mood that was all but impossible for him to hide by the end of the day.

After a long day of enjoying the seclusion of the stretch of beach outside their bungalows, time spent joyfully splashing in the ocean, and a dinner grilled expertly by Kevin, the families began to retire for the night, one by one. AJ and Rochelle were the first to bid goodnight and disappear into their bungalow with Ava and Lyric, followed by Howie, Leigh, and their boys. Lauren took that as a sign to start getting Odin and Saoirse settled down for bed and excused herself while Nick remained out on the beach with Kevin, Kristin, and their boys, as well Brian, Leighanne, and Baylee. Kevin was in too good of a fucking mood after indulging in some of the liquor he and Kristin had brought along for the trip and wouldn’t shut up long enough for Nick to think straight. At one point, his eldest friend had resorted to talking a little bit about everything and a lot about nothing. So when Kristin finally ushered her husband and kids to their bungalow for the night, Nick actually breathed a sigh of relief. He thought  **_maybe_ ** he could have a word with Brian before the day was completely shot. After all, Nick couldn’t shake off the anxiety that something had become horribly wrong between him and Brian.

But almost as soon as Kevin, Kristin, and their kids had retired for the night, Brian suggested to Leighanne and Baylee that they do the same and the three got up to head into their bungalow without so much as a simple goodnight given in parting. The experience left Nick sitting there in the lounge chair, utterly dumbfounded by what had transpired that day before he, too, finally returned to his own bungalow to join his wife and children. Nick climbed into bed beside Lauren that night, sullen and grumpy and wanting to do anything but sleep while still longing to understand the unexpected change he could sense occurring in Brian’s demeanor.

By the time Nick awoke the following morning after a mostly sleepless night of tossing and turning, he was even more irritated and short on patience. The families shared a beach side breakfast together and discussed their options for the day’s activities. The kids wanted more time to play in the ocean, the wives wanted to sunbathe, and Nick’s four band mates were divided on what they cared to do. Eventually, they all decided to do whatever considering they were only into their second day there and still had plenty of time to work in all of the adventures they had planned prior to their arrival. 

When Nick saw Brian sneak off to his bungalow while everyone else was occupied, he hurried after him, determined to gain the decency of Brian’s attention, even if it was just long enough for Nick to ask him what the Hell was up. Except, Brian had been irritated just at the sight of Nick the moment he stepped through the door of the bungalow. Brian made no effort to hide his irritation either.

_ “What the Hell is your problem?” Nick had all but yelled at his best friend, his brother, his...well, shit...Nick found himself actually questioning in that moment what Brian  _ **_was_ ** _ to him. It didn’t help that Brian was doing everything he possibly could to avoid even looking at him as he slammed shit around with no rhyme or reason. And Nick had stood there in the center of the room, watching him. “Seriously, Brian, What the fuck? You’ve been ignoring me since the airport and now you still won’t look at me. Stop being a dick and fucking talk to me.” _

_Brian had paused momentarily at the end of Nick’s outburst, almost as if he was contemplating everything Nick had just said. But then his shoulders dropped and he shook his head with a heavy sigh, keeping his back to his counterpart. “I can’t do this with you right now,”_ _was all he muttered before pulling his shirt up over his head and discarding it on his and Leighanne’s bed._

_ Nick stared at Brian’s bare back with a scowl; what a crock of shit. Brian knew exactly what he was doing and that was obvious in the way he had no qualms with undressing in front of him right then. It made the heat creep into Nick’s cheeks because not only was he genuinely offended and pissed that Brian was being so insulting, but he had to curse the betrayal of his natural inner instinct to shift his gaze up and down Brian’s back side with appreciation. But then, the sleek curvature of Brian’s well toned back surprisingly began to make Nick sick to his stomach. _

_ “Nick?” Brian’s voice called out to him impatiently. When Nick blinked out of the stupor he had fallen into, he realized Brian was now dressed in only a pair of board shorts and facing him with his arms crossed over his chest. _

_ Nick's forehead creased with a frown and he took a step towards Brian, stopping only when he noticed his posture stiffen. “ _ **_What_ ** _?” he snapped at him, although Nick instantly regretted raising the tone of his voice when Brian shook his head and moved to step past him to leave the bungalow. Nick acted on the spur of the moment and reached to grab Brian’s hand before the older man could pass. “Just  _ **_stop_ ** _ , would you? And fucking look at me, Brian.” _

_ It took a moment, but Brian’s gaze gradually shifted upward to meet Nick’s and surprisingly was clouded with a sadness Nick hadn’t been expecting to see. “I told you…” he muttered with a thick drawl. “I can’t do this with you right now.” _

_ But Nick didn’t want to let go of Brian’s hand and instead laced their fingers together. He wasn't buying into the shit of Brian’s vague dismissal. “Why are you avoiding me?” he pleaded with him. It took everything Nick had in him not to tug the older man close, to bring him flush against his chest so that he could feel the warmth of their bodies mixing together. “Why are you acting this way? I deserve a fucking explanation.” _

_ When Brian sighed again, Nick could tell he was teetering on the edge of wanting to give in and entertain the same thing Nick wanted. Usually when that happened, Brian would lean into him for a moment before his lips eventually found their way to Nick’s for that familiar casual kiss, but this time...Brian just simply stood there. He stood there and studied Nick’s face, eyes sweeping over the man’s features and making him uncomfortable. But then as quickly as the consideration began, it ended and Brian pulled his hand free from Nick’s after giving it the slightest squeeze. _

_ “Leave me alone,” was all Brian had said before he turned and quickly left the bungalow without another word. _

It had taken Nick several moments to pull himself out of the stupor he had fallen back into. What the Hell had just happened? By the time Nick left the bungalow to return to the beach, Brian was already in the water, splashing around with AJ and the McLean girls, laughing gleefully. Nick watched the lot with disdain before retiring to the bed in his own bungalow and when Lauren came to him a short time later to find out why he had disappeared, Nick fed his wife the dull lie that his stomach was bothering him and he just needed to lay down for a bit.

Nick didn’t emerge again until he was beckoned back to the beach side table for lunch and even then, he just couldn’t find it within himself to pull out the enthusiasm everyone was expecting from him. Brian was back to acting as if Nick didn’t exist and everyone else seemed none the wiser about it. But Nick knew and it made his blood boil.

The rest of the day was much like the day before, ending after another expertly grilled dinner by Kevin and drinks on the beach as the sun set. Brian and Leighanne were the first to retire to their bungalow for the night. An hour or so later saw the other couples departing to get the kids ready for bed until it was just Nick and Baylee left out on the beach, but even the teen eventually bid his uncle a goodnight and retreated to join his parents, leaving Nick alone in the company of the softly crashing ocean waves on the beach.

_ Sleep didn’t come easily to Nick that night. It was the same routine with his troubled mind slipping in and out of various dreamscapes that involved Brian’s body pressed to his as they shared in a tender kiss, hands exploring every inch of skin they could come across. At one point, Nick had awoken with his hand down his boxer briefs, fingers closed around his throbbing erection before he realized exactly what it was he was doing. And thank God Lauren was still sleeping soundly beside him, none the wiser. _

_ Slipping carefully out of the bed, Nick had retreated to the bathroom where it took every ounce of energy he had not to groan repeatedly as he used his hand to bring himself the relief he was in desperate need of. It was at that moment, for the first time, that Nick actually hated himself for picturing Brian’s face in his mind as he did it. He hated himself that it was thought of Brian’s hand replacing his own that drew Nick to the edge of his release, and as he rode out the pleasurable waves of his orgasm, all he could picture was looking into Brian’s eyes. Those gorgeous blue eyes that left Nick weak in the knees. Nick  _ **_hated_ ** _ that Brian of all people had that effect on him. _

_ Lauren and the kids were still sound asleep by the time Nick exited the bathroom. He felt a little guilty as he watched the three of them for a moment, but then he turned, grabbed a pair of cargo shorts to step into, and grabbed his phone before leaving the bungalow. Stepping out into the warm night air, Nick stole a quick glance in the direction of Brian’s bungalow, but found it just as dark as all the others. For all he knew, Brian and his family were sleeping off the day's activities as well, just like Nick  _ **_should_ ** _ have been doing. Nonetheless, it didn’t stop him from sending a quick text to Brian’s phone, hoping like the Hell the older man was awake to receive it. _

_ |Come outside. We need to talk.| _

_ Sending the text, Nick slipped his phone into the pocket of his shorts and quickly made his way down the few steps that led onto the beach. Within moments, he had settled himself on one of the lounge chairs near the water line, beneath the tiki hut style canopy, and stared harshly at the palm tree that swayed in the light breeze as he waited… _

_...and waited. _

_ Nick cursed himself internally when he felt the hot bitter tears of his frustration wanting to surface the longer he waited. He was a grown ass man with a wife and two young children and yet he felt like he was a scorned woman in the early stages of falling apart emotionally when he focused too much on the fact that Brian had spent all of his time so far acting like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with Nick. Then why the fuck had Brian extended the invite to Nick to join the rest of them in the first place? _

_ Somewhere behind him, Nick thought he heard the sound of a door softly opening and closing, but he didn’t bother to look behind himself to see if he was right. And then after a brief moment, he heard Brian approaching before he even made it to Nick, mostly for the fact that he could hear the older man’s heavy foot falls pitter-pattering against the pearlescent sandy beach. But the familiar smell of that intoxicating cologne wafting through the air to tickle Nick’s sense confirmed exactly who it was. _

_ Nick allowed his eyes to flutter shut momentarily as he inhaled the scent, welcoming the way it caused his heart to skip a beat. “...I didn’t think you had the balls to show,” he muttered. _

_ Brian slowly sat himself on the foot of the lounge chair next to Nick’s. “Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled as he stared down at his bare feet. _

_ Nick rolled his eyes. “That makes two of us then.” _

_ Brian didn’t respond and at first, Nick began to assume they were falling back into the same routine of Brian giving him the silent treatment. If that was the case, then why had he even bothered coming outside at all? But then the older man inhaled deeply, teetering in thought. “You’re right...we do need to talk.” _

_ “No shit,” Nick scoffed. He didn’t mean for his voice to sound as bitter as it did, but it was hard to prevent, especially when all Nick really wanted to do right then was pull Brian to him and just forget about whatever the Hell was going on between them. _

_ “I know you’re mad at me right now,” Brian continued after a moment. Clasping his hands together, he turned his head to look at Nick. “You have every right to be, Nicky. I’ve been an asshole to you this entire time.” _

_ Nick could feel the weight of Brian’s stare, but he refused to look at him. “You think?” he snapped in return. “You’ve been a total dick and a half.” _

_ Brian chuckled; the motherfucker actually chuckled like he was amused by what Nick had said. “Not gonna lie...I expected something a little more colorful than that to come out of your mouth.” _

_ “Yeah, well, so sorry to disappoint your little pretty boy heart,” Nick grumbled, although his voice considerably softened with each word he spoke. There was just something about Brian’s voice that always had a way of soothing him, of calming him down when nothing else could. “Why  _ **_did_ ** _ you come out here?” _

_ “Because I owe you an explanation,” Brian answered Nick as a matter of fact. “It’s the least I owe you.” _

_ It was Nick’s turn to chuckle. “For fuck’s sake, Brian, it sounds like you’re about to break up with me,” he said. Only the moment the words slipped from his mouth, the moment the realization dawned on Nick and Brian said nothing to the contrary. It felt like the breath had been ripped from Nick’s lungs. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” _

_ When Nick finally looked at him, Brian winced in response. All of the confusion, the hurt, the betrayal in Nick’s eyes was harder to see than Brian could have anticipated. “Nicky, I need you to listen to me…” _

_ “Fuck you, man. I think you’ve said enough.” Nick propelled himself off the lounge chair and drew closer to the water’s edge before Brian could see the tears brimming his eyes. All of these years of special moments of intimacy shared between only them, the fondness for one another that had caused their bond to grow past friendship even after they were both married...and Brian was ready to just throw it all away, as if it had never meant a damn thing to him, as if he had never grown to love Nick more than just as the young boy he had helped raise out on the road. _

_ Brian stepped up behind him a short time later and hesitated to reach for Nick’s hand. “Nicky, Listen to me, please…” _

_ Nick whipped around to face him, eyes seething. “Why the Hell did you invite me here, huh?” he demanded. “You couldn’t just call it quits over the phone or Hell, send me a fucking courtesy text?” _

_ “What? No, Nicky, wait. That’s not it at all.” Brian frowned and took Nick’s hand into his. Nick’s was a bit bigger, but Brian had always enjoyed the way it seemed to fit so perfectly against his. “I invited  _ **_everyone_ ** _ here, not just you.” _

_ Nick yanked his hand away. “Then that just makes you one twisted son of a bitch.” _

_ Brian lifted a hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I am asking you to just  _ **_listen_ ** _ to me,” he begged as he swallowed thickly. “We can’t do this anymore, Nicky. This thing that has been going on between us has been going on for far too long. We never should have let it go this far. It’s not fair to Leighanne and Lauren and it’s not fair to the kids. This would destroy them. But most of all, I can’t keep doing this to  _ **_you_ ** _. I love you too damn much to keep destroying you the way I have been.” _

_ “Destroying me?” Nick repeated in disbelief. “Aside from my wife and kids, you’re the only other thing that makes me feel alive. How can that mean nothing to you?” _

_ Brian looked at him regretfully. “It means  _ **_everything_ ** _ to me, Nicky. And that’s why we have to put a stop to it,” he said. “Because I can't commit to you the way you want me to or even the way you  _ **_need_ ** _ me to. None of this is right. It never has been.” _

_ Nick quickly grabbed Brian’s face with his hands and crashed their lips together, kissing him desperately and deeply to quell the sob that was bubbling up his throat. Even as Nick’s tongue swiped against Brian’s, the older man didn’t respond and it caused Nick’s heart to drop. “No,” he stuttered as he pulled back, searching Brian’s eyes. “No, no, no, you asshole. You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to just throw me away like I’m nothing to you anymore.” _

_ “Nicky, you’re my brother and I’m always going to be here for you,” Brian tried to reason with him. “But-” _

_ “But  _ **_what_ ** _?!” Nick interrupted him, his voice quivering. He yanked Brian against him, cupping his hands against the older man’s ass to hold him in place. “You think you can just stand here and tell me that all of this between us is over and we can just go back to being brothers like it never happened? You’re out of your fucking mind!” Nick brought his hand in between them to cup it over the noticeable bulge between Brian’s legs. “For fuck’s sake, Brian, wake up and smell the roses because your dick gets hard whenever you’re with me.” _

_ A quiet groan emitted past Brian’s lips and for several moments, he stood there, legs weak as he allowed Nick to fondle his cock through the material of his shorts. It wasn’t until his breath began to quicken and he recognized the dangerous waves of pleasure that were rolling through his body that Brian finally pushed back from Nick. If he didn’t stop Nick now, he knew he wouldn’t be able to and he would come to regret it. Brian had already made up his mind before he even got on the plane in Georgia. It had to end. _

_ “I’m sorry, Nicky,” Brian whispered, fighting against his own emotion as he watched the shock pass over Nick’s face. “We’re done. I mean it.” _

_ Nick watched as Brian coldly turned from him without another word and began to make his back towards his and Leighanne’s bungalow. “You’re a fucking coward, Brian!” Nick yelled after him. _

Nick didn’t remember returning back to his and Lauren’s bungalow after that. He didn’t remember crawling back into bed next to his wife and settling himself closely behind her as she slept. And he didn’t remember slipping into a fitful sleep. The next thing Nick was aware of was being startled awake several hours later by Kevin pounding on the door of the bungalow. Lauren had left the bed to go answer him and it wasn’t even a moment later that she screamed for Nick to come quick. Nick didn’t hesitate and the moment he saw Kevin, the tears that were sliding down his cheeks, his heart stopped. A sickening feeling grew in the pit of his stomach and he began to shake his head in denial.

There had been an accident. Sometime after Brian had left Nick standing at the water’s edge, he had left in the rental car. At some point, Brian had lost control going around a corner and over corrected, which sent the vehicle spiraling over the edge of a sharp cliff. The hospital had called Kevin because he was the most recent call in Brian’s phone. Speeding...the authorities said Brian must have been driving like he was distracted and speeding. There was nothing that could be done...Brian was dead before they were even able to pull him from the wreckage.

Nick could hardly breathe as Kevin turned to go inform the others of what had happened and it wasn’t long before the aftermath was heard. Leighanne’s screams sounded unnatural as she learned of her husband’s unexpected death. Nobody could make sense of it. Nobody could understand why Brian had taken off in the middle of the night and driven so recklessly. But Nick understood...he understood completely and he wished like Hell that he didn’t.

Now, standing once again in the same spot at the water’s edge as the night before, Nick didn’t even try to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. “Why, you stupid son of a bitch?!” he screamed out at the water as if it would make him feel any better. But it didn’t. It couldn’t. Nothing could erase the guilt he was feeling  __ because only  **_he_ ** was solely responsible for the death of his brother. His lover. The one person who understood him when no one else did. It was Nick’s fault that Brian was dead. “I should have listened to you! I’m sorry!”

“Nick?”

Nick jumped at the sound of AJ’s voice and turned to find the other man approaching him. “Leave me the fuck alone, AJ.”

AJ shook his head as he drew near. “Not gonna happen, buddy,” he said and pulled Nick into a tight embrace. AJ’s puffy eyes made it clear he had already shed his fair share of tears. “What happened between the two of you last night?”

Nick pulled back from his friend in shock, feeling lightheaded and ready to vomit. “I...I don’t know what you’re-”

“I was having trouble sleeping last night,” AJ admitted as he shoved his hands nervously into the pockets of his jeans. “I heard the two of you arguing and...I saw you both standing out here…”

Nick’s heart dropped once again as he came to realize that AJ had witnessed everything that had transpired between him and Brian. He’d seen Nick kissing Brian desperately as a last ditch effort to hold onto what they had between them. He’d seen Nick’s hand between Brian’s legs, trying to pleasure the older man as a reminder of what he would be giving up. But AJ didn’t seem to give a damn that what he had witnessed had been anything out of the ordinary and Nick found himself collapsing back into AJ’s embrace.

“I won’t tell anyone,” AJ promised him. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“This is all my fault!” Nick sobbed into AJ’s shoulder. “If I would have just listened to him, this wouldn’t have happened!”

“No,” AJ told him with a sharp shake of his head as he tightened his embrace. “Bri made the decision to get behind the wheel last night when he wasn’t thinking clearly and he would tell you the same damn thing. None of this is your fault, Nicky. None of it.”

Nick sobbed openly and AJ allowed him to without judgement, even sharing in the tears a time or two. Eventually, he led Nick back to the others where everyone was tending to Leighanne and Baylee in their bungalow. All of the attention transferred from Nick to the grieving widow and teen, allowing him to openly mourn the true reason for his sorrow in secret and now he would have to spend the rest of his life knowing that the last thing he ever said to Brian was calling him a coward.

Only Nick truly knew now that he was the biggest coward of them all. 


End file.
